My love month...

A beautiful combination of love and the arts, celebrating it with people close to the heart. This year, I will be passive in enjoying the whole month's celebration. Not because my dear beloved is more than 5000 kilometers away from me, but because the artist in me is yet to be awakened.

I have been active in doing theater work for almost 14 years now. There were years in between that I am just waiting round the corner for directions. There were years as well that I spearheaded the activities. Theater has become my life, I breathe it. I eat it. I smell it. I make a living out of it. Yet somehow, because of the politics and the undesirable attitude of the people who have been doing theater all their life, it made me think twice. This is the reality. I went away to find my own path, thinking if I really want it I will pursue it on my own. As I was a student at the university I always dream t learning the expertise from...it disheartened me. I no longer have the capacity to do the things I was able to do when I was still younger. I can't even make it to school without sleep when before I can work three days straight without sleep and be at the show like I have all the energy I needed.

Another dilemma was the money. I had the experience that theater cannot give me the financial stability I needed. Though, as to what I can remember I was happy. It was fulfilling in some other ways. But that was when there are no bills to pay, basic needs to think about and financial responsibility to face.

This lead me to thinking twice on this Asian Theater Training I am expected to take in Singapore. I had this dream way back in 2007 and now, it is already laid down for me to pursue. But then again financial constraints is still the issue.

I have realized that maybe the reason that love month and arts month is bound to be celebrated in the same month is because one cannot pursue art without loving it as well. Most of the local artists that I've known personally are not really rich, yet they still continue doing it. Why? Because they love what their doing. They don't get the satisfaction from the money they earned out of doing it, but instead the fulfillment they feel in their souls keep them going.

I am not rich and I cannot be blind with all the financial responsibilities I have to face. I rest my case.